How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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