some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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