They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
