Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
