i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
