Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
