omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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