she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
