Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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