they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
