My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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