I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
