there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
