I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
