Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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