Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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