we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
