Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
