i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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