A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
