I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
