I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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