Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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