Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
