Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
