I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
