Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
