Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize