dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
