Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
