Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
