Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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