he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
