nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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