btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
