went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
