lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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