I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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