it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
