I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
