At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
