one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize