I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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