Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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