Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
