Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
did you just send me my own nude
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
