Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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