i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
