I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
