grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
