More tranny stories later!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
