he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
