Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
