This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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