i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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