The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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