You're so nebulous sometimes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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