i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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