I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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