The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
