so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
