On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
