Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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