We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
