Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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