dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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