Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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