Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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