Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
