Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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