You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
