everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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