I'm gonna have a badass scar
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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